Radio homers top hacks in Media Cup, conjure up memories from days of yore
Oh, on this wintry eve in our humble burg, two media outfits twisted and tangled on the mahogany deck of one James Arthur Boeheim, conjuring the spirit of Woodrow Wilson, who said long ago while passing along the Potomac River on a glimmering ferryboat, “The noble quest of sport is covered only by those who cannot play it.”
And so it came to pass last night at the Carrier Dome, as the homers of WAER Sports triumphed over the hacks of The Daily Orange, in a 53-51 test of wills … and, oh, what a test it was in the annual Media Cup.
Eli Saslow, who’s still very much a charm to be around, paced The D.O. squadron to an early lead with pinpoint shooting amidst the musk sullied garments.
Saslow hit two early 3-pointers, and, oh, the joint was frenzied like the days of yore. But ‘twas not to be for the noble hacks, for Jason Sacks and his oversized mandible tallied 21 points for WAER.
“They’re still a bunch of homers,” D.O. assistant sports editor Darryl Slater said. “I saw one of their guys, Matt Williamson, rush the court after the Pittsburgh game and come back to call the Georgetown game two days later. Real professional and objective journalism. Basically, these guys are fans wearing headphones.”
During the game, Slater’s waxing fell short, as he scored two points and wore a T-shirt with the words NOT A HOMER on the front and REAL JOURNALISTS DON’T RUSH THE COURT! on the back.
To be sure, The D.O. procured an early lead, but hack senior Chris Snow yielded pilfer after pilfer to the WAER folks. As the radio guys grabbed the advantage, senior talking head Dave Friedman’s black sweatpants tightened with every basket and his team’s eventual three-point halftime lead.
“I was charmed that we were only down three at the half,” D.O. head coach and sports editor Pete Iorizzo said. “Fascinated, really. Still, I thought there was no reason to be optimistic about us winning.”
At halftime, the WAER members retreated to the locker room, where they no doubt compared catch phrases. Meanwhile, The D.O. outfit remained on the court, where it scrambled fruitlessly for the Media Cup’s non-existent dinner spread.
In the second half, The D.O. fellows proved very unlike Scranton’s Golden Boy, as balls slipped out of Saslow’s scrubby nubs and assistant sports editor Adam Kilgore lubricated the floor, sweating off four Burger King cheeseburgers. Timely shooting from junior Pat Riley eventually lifted WAER to its fourth-straight Media Cup title, and The D.O. platoon retreated to its stinky second-floor office on Ostrom Avenue.
WAER, meanwhile, continues to accept money from Syracuse University (ahem, not objective).
“Their shots down the stretch broke our backs,” Slater said. “But they’ve still never broken a story.”
Compiled by staff writers Chico Harlan and Adam Kilgore
