Nearly no dating occurs at Syracuse University. This may seem ironic, given that we all live in a two-mile radius consisting of thousands of members of the opposite sex, 99 percent of whom aren’t married and all within a four-year age span. No one has an unlisted phone number and most eat in one of five dining halls. To top it all off, most drink a lot of alcohol and hang out in the same five places every night.

So why the conspicuous lack of courting on campus? It just doesn’t make sense … until you consider that college guys, particularly underclassmen, possess an ideology that is detrimental to the formation of relationships. It would seem, from my experiences here thus far, that college guys are united by one common goal: getting laid without emotional attachment.

‘If I had a choice, I wouldn’t hook up with a girl on my floor, a girl in my dorm, a girl in one of my classes or any girl I might see ever again,’ said Chris McKelvy, an undecided freshman in the Martin J. Whitman School of Management. While this is no doubt a noble ambition, I was disappointed not to have met a single available person of the male gender last year showing interest in pursuing an actual relationship or let alone a conversation. Now that I’m a seasoned sophomore, things aren’t looking up. I miss the high school dating days.

In high school, there were unspoken rules of dating that followed a logical progression of advancement. People went on legitimate first dates, an abandoned practice at college, unless studying at the library counts, which it does not. The doctrine of high school courtship is dictated by a tangible sequence of dating: first the awkward kiss, then the frantic making out, followed by THE HANDJOB … and well, you can use your imagination as to the evolution of the relationship. My point is that sex was the final step achieved only after numerous ‘jobs’ were performed. More importantly, the decision to have sex was not made on the couples’ combined blood alcohol level, but on (gasp) actual attraction. The only courting I have observed in this winter wonderland has been the es-courting of a chosen girl back to a chosen dorm room.

Ryan Ackerson, an undecided freshman in the Martin J. Whitman School of Management, came to Syracuse with his girlfriend, but understands the driving principals behind the one-night stand movement.

‘Most guys don’t want to be held down. College is a new experience, and they just want to have a good time,’ he said.

Well, that clears things up. Girlfriends are the embodiment of evil and anti-fun. Seriously, do the majority of college guys live in fear of being shackled to tampon-brandishing, lip-gloss oozing fiendish girlfriends? What is the obsession with one-night stands? Is this a phase? These are no doubt questions that have eluded the female psyche since … well, forever.

Don’t get me wrong; I’m not screening every guy I meet as a potential boyfriend. I’m just tired of going to parties and getting creepy looks from seriously misguided men across the room. Yes, I danced with you in a Bacardi-induced state. No, that does not mean I want to go home with you. But I wouldn’t mind you walking me home.

Published on October 2, 2005 at 12:00 pm