Student Life : Students sorely miss old Four Loko compared to uncaffeinated version
Fondly referred to by some as ‘death in a can,’ Four Loko has enjoyed a love-hate relationship with the campus community.
The infamous beverage has contributed to many a blackout night among Syracuse University students. But of course, as many of us know, the great thing about Four Loko blackouts is they take place only after you’ve been super active.
You get a burst of energy after you drink one, so you skip to Chuck’s Cafe, confidently order a round of tequila shots and pay for all of them like the big baller you are. Then you get yourself a beer as a chaser, text ‘where r u?????????!!!!!’ at least three times to your friend standing right next to you, order another beer and say hi to a couple of girls you hate.
Perhaps at this point, you locate potential candidates for a sleepover, walk over and ask what they’re doing later. You say you don’t mind the walk to Westcott, immediately add them on Facebook with your phone and ask them if they’ve ever tried Four Loko. Then you commence to leave the bar with or without your friends and cut through a deserted parking lot by yourself because it’s so much faster and makes so much more sense.
And then you wake up — probably in someone else’s apartment — and wonder what you did last night. So you call your roommate and ask, ‘Did I ever end up going to the bars last night?’
But then something terrible happened. New York state banned the sale of caffeinated malt beverages — apparently you could die — and the brand released a new version of the drink, one that does not contain caffeine. The new version looks the same as the old and comes complete with the same questionable flavors but is little more than a mirage. Mainly purchased by students who believed they had illicitly stumbled upon the old — and classic — version, the new Four Loko has been labeled an outcast.
One disappointed senior said he would rather drink a vodka and Redbull because the new Four Loko tastes so bad, ‘like really bad.’
Sad but true — the new Four Loko has not been known to contribute to the aforementioned blackouts. However, the old Four Loko is not yet a fading memory. It can probably still be purchased on the black market alongside organs and pawned jewelry. It can also be purchased from those bright, young students who stocked up on cases of Four Loko last semester, in preparation for emergency times.
Imitation may be the sincerest form of flattery, but there will always only be one Four Loko. Having made its debut last semester, Four Loko brought so many little freshmen out of their shells and united students of all backgrounds, of both hard-drug and hard-alcohol dispositions. The new caffeine-free Four Loko strips the drink of its monumental identity.
But as in all love-hate relationships, no matter how many issues are present, you can’t ever really bring yourself to break the addiction. And so our torrid love affair with Four Loko will continue because as intellectual expert and renown superstar Ke$ha so literally explains, ‘I keep it up like a lovesick crackhead because your love, your love, your love is my drug.’ So hauntingly beautiful.
Marina Charny is a senior English and textual studies and writing major. Her columns appear every Monday. She can be reached at mcharny@syr.edu.
