Humor : Well, I know at least one Knicks fan who’s (expletive)ing ticked off
My roommate, Josh, can best be described as a loud Long Islander — and I love him for that.
No matter where he goes, it’s never long before everyone around him knows exactly what he’s thinking. Josh possesses many traits that make him a fantastic friend and roommate — a good heart, a great sense of humor, a lower-back tattoo with my face on it, etc. — but tact is not one of them. If he has an opinion, he wears it on his sleeve.
Josh loves to debate any and all takers on a wide array of topics, ranging from politics to proper manscaping techniques. However, one subject holds an extra special place in his heart: sports.
Whether it’s baseball, basketball, football, lacrosse, boxing, mixed martial arts, curling, track and field, Quidditch, hockey, dodgeball, hop-scotch, tennis, beer pong, soccer, Frisbee, jousting or anything in between, Josh has an opinion on the game and every aspect of it. This is especially true for his beloved basketball team: the New York Knicks. He watches every game and knows the team roster so well that sometimes the starting lineup seems like five additional roommates.
So when the Knicks traded four of their five starters for Syracuse alumnus Carmelo Anthony, Josh was downright traumatized. Granted nobody died, but the poor guy spent all night grieving in his typical outspoken nature. In fact, his emotional progression can be broken down into five distinct phases:
Denial: ‘Wait, what? Are you serious? There’s no way we gave up our whole team for one (expletive)ing guy. No. This has to be a mistake.’ (Frantically reloads ESPN.com on his laptop.) ‘There’s no way this happened. There. Is. No. (Expletive)ing. Way. Danny, I swear to God if this is a prank, I’m gonna kick your (expletive).’
Anger: ‘(Expletive).’ (Loud crashing noises sound as Josh throws things across the room.) ‘Shut the (expletive) up, Danny! The Wizards still suck.’
Bargaining: ‘Yo, I’ll clean up the kitchen later if you let me kill that 30-rack.’ (Mutters something inaudible while pouring another beer.) ‘I’d take that trade back in a (expletive)ing second. Danny, stop giggling or I’m putting down my drink.’
Depression: (Shakes his head solemnly.) ‘They’re never gonna be contenders. And we’re (expletive)ing out of beer. (Expletive) my life. (Expletive) you, too, Danny. (Expletive) the Knicks. They’re so (expletive)ing stupid. And (expletive) basketball. (Expletive) this. (Expletive). (Expletive).’
Acceptance: ‘You know what? I’m OK with it. We got Melo, and it’s not such a bad trade. Actually, we might end up better off, so suck it, Danny. One more word, and I’m getting that tattoo removed.’
Danny Fersh is a junior broadcast journalism major, and his columns appear every Wednesday. Josh would like to extend a big ‘(expletive) you’ to Knicks owner James Dolan and a slightly smaller ‘(expletive) you’ to Knicks front office adviser Isaiah Thomas. Danny can be reached at dafersh@syr.edu.
