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I like to think I’m a nice person. I’m there for my friends, I lead group projects and I don’t leave a mess in the dining hall. By college student standards, I’m practically a saint.

But once a year — on April Fools’ Day — I allow myself to be completely and unabashedly horrible. Not just “forgot to text you back” horrible, but “left hair in the shower and didn’t replace the toilet roll” horrible.

It’s one day. You’re allowed to be mean. Here’s your guide:

Tell your roommate Blackboard is down
It’s always kind of down, so there’s a 50% chance you’ll actually be right. Deliver it with a straight face, zero inflection and the quiet confidence of someone who has never once in their life been surprised by a loading screen. Success rate: near perfect. Effort required: none.

Tell your final project group chat you’re “almost there”

You’re not almost there. You’re in bed. You have been in bed for 45 minutes. You are wearing yesterday’s clothes, and you have not looked at the shared Google Doc since Tuesday. Nobody questions this because they are also in bed, also wearing yesterday’s clothes and they also have not looked at the Google Doc since Tuesday.

Tell your roommate there’s free food somewhere on campus

College students love free food; we don’t have money to spend. When you use this, be vague about the location. Say you “heard it from someone.” By the time they’ve walked 15 minutes in the wrong direction and texted you three times asking where exactly, you’ll be back in bed. There is no free food. There is never free food. They know this. They went anyway. That’s on them.

Click “Reply all” to your professor’s email to ask if the final is cumulative

Choose a class with no final. The chaos this creates is not your problem.

Post-it your roommate’s entire room

The classic. Labor-intensive, deeply satisfying and best executed while they’re trapped in a three-hour lab. Cover the desk, mirror, mini fridge and the back of every single one of their notebooks. For extra credit, use pictures of Jack Black instead. His eyes are inescapable. This is not just a prank, this is public art. This is legacy.

Tell cyclists on Euclid that the bike lanes are finally being ticketed
Are they? No. Will they ever be? Probably not. Will your target believe you instantly and start catastrophizing about a $40 fine they cannot afford? Hopefully.

Something about this campus makes everyone assume they are perpetually five minutes away from getting in some kind of trouble, which, if they’re trying to park a car, is usually true. The bikers have gotten away with too much for too long. ¡Viva la revolución!

Slip a note from their situationship under your roommate’s door
Do they want to get serious? Is this a ring by spring situation? Do they actually have a girlfriend that goes to the University of Connecticut? Whichever one it is, make sure you buy earplugs, because reading any of those things ending with “Yours always, xxx,” will have your roommate screaming.

Tell your friends you’re transferring

I might be evil, but I think this is my favorite one. Make sure to text them just after midnight so they don’t think it’s a prank, just you genuinely crashing out. Tell them you’ve filed the paperwork already. Pull up Degree Works and talk about transfer credits. The world is your oyster. Bonus points if you wait the whole day to reveal that it’s a joke.

Show up to your 8 a.m.

If you haven’t shown up for your early morning classes in a while, this will be the most disorienting prank of all. Your professor will not know what to do with you. Your classmates will not recognize you. You will sit in a seat you have never sat in before and feel, for the first time, like a stranger in your own life.

Welp, that’s all from me folks. Can’t give away too many of my good ideas. Happy April Fools’, fools.

Published on April 1, 2026 at 10:07 pm
Contact Caroline: cberskin@syr.edu