Finding the fine line between best friend and lady friend
Last week one of my lifelong dreams came true – not the one where I pummel Ryan Seacrest with a frozen Virginia ham, the other dream.At long last, I have been asked to appear on a hip-hop CD.
Don’t get too excited -I won’t actually be rapping (only because they haven’t heard my new single, ‘Newhouse State of Mind’).Rather, my friend C.J. wants me to write a skit about the fine line between friendship and romance that would play at the beginning of one of the songs on his mix-tape.
The track is called ‘The Friend Zone.’ For many of us, its subject matter is all too familiar.It’s about a guy who has romantic feelings for a girl, but for whatever reason the trajectory of their relationship moves them closer toward friendship and further away from romance with each passing day.
There’s nothing wrong with two members of the opposite sex being ‘just friends.’I have many female friends, some of whom are very attractive but I wouldn’t touch with a 10-foot pole.That doesn’t mean that there is anything wrong with them, or me, for that matter.It just means our friendship bonds are so strong that any change to the platonic nature of our relationship would be wrong.It would be like dating a relative, or sleeping with Tara Reid.
It’s often hard to tell where flirting ends and friendship begins.It’s a tough needle to thread, especially for a guy. Move too fast and she’ll think you’re shady. Move too slow and she’ll start asking you what to wear on her date with your best friend.
Like most guys, I’ve had extensive experience in this area.Last week I spent several hours alone with a girl in the middle of the night as she ran her hands methodically from my winter sweater all the way down to my boxers.Nothing happened – she was doing my laundry.
Nothing screams ‘friend zone’like potentially romantic scenarios that you only notice after describing them to your friends:
Q: ‘So you guys were wrestling on your couch for an hour and never even kissed?’
A: ‘Well, there was a moment there where I held her closely in my arms. Then I flipped her over and put her in a half nelson.’
Still, something that at times seems so black and white can get you into trouble when it drifts into shades of gray.Who among us hasn’t been involved in an awkward moment that teetered on the line between friendship and any number of scenes from ‘The Notebook?’
If you’re looking for love and your counterpart isn’t on the same page, things can get ugly fast.What starts out as friendship could quickly devolve into an awkward ‘ex’ scenario with someone you never even dated. Nothing’s worse than getting the cold shoulder without ever getting that hot lovin’ – or at least a lukewarm make-out session.
Sometimes your friend puts on the moves and you’re the one stuck using clichés like, ‘You mean more to me as a friend,’ or ‘I’m not ready for that type of relationship,’ or ‘Stop straddling me.’ Convincing your friend you care about him or her while rejecting them at the same time is incredibly difficult.Be gentle, yet firm.Draw a flow chart if necessary.
Unfortunately, there is no road map marking the entrance to the friend zone.What might seem like a natural leap from hugs to kisses for one person could be as awkward as playing spin the bottle at a nursing home for another.Or it is as painful as listening to me freestyle.
I know this much for sure: It’s far harder to climb out of the friend zone than it is to fall into it.Proceed with caution, know your boundaries and don’t let a good friend get into your pants.
Unless she’s doing your laundry.
Danny Fersh is a sophomore broadcast journalism major and his column appears every Wednesday. Check out the Fresh Squeeze at dailyorange.com this week to see him take on Chancy Nancy in a limbo contest. Just kidding. But seriously, check it out. Danny can be reached at dafersh@syr.edu.
